Little has been written about romance-repulsion. I’m in the process of writing something about what romance is, but want to include a section on romance-repulsion. I know it exists, I relate to the concept personally, and I’ve seen some discussions about it. Sometimes I still can’t tell if it’s a repulsion towards romance itself, or repulsion towards conventional ideas of romance and the expectations surrounding it. Or could it really be either one?
Personally, I’m repulsed by the conventional ideas of romance and its expectations, and I also oppose them on an ideological level. I still might without romance-repulsion, because of how unhealthy conventional ideas of romance glamorized by society are, encouraging possessiveness and codependency, and treating friendships as disposable. As someone who’s suffered through codependency, and am still trying to recover from it, it’s not love, it’s hell.
It disgusts me that codependent relationships are seen as “true love”, and glamorized by the media. I also value my friendships too much to want to toss them aside.
I’m still uneasy about the thought of entering a romantic relationship in general, and I can’t tell if it must be because of those expectations looming over me, and that I’ve been dragged into relationships I didn’t agree to before.
Anyone else identify with the concept of romance-repulsion, and how does it manifest for you? Is your repulsion influenced by the conventional ideas of romance, how they’re portrayed in the media, or is it a repulsion towards the concept of romance itself? I’d also like to know if it manifests differently between aromantic and non-aromantic people.
To you, is romance inherently possessive? I’ve seen some romance-repulsed people say that it is, or isn’t.
Because “romance” is more difficult to define, and more subjective than sexuality is, where is the line between repulsion to romance, and ideological opposition? I’ve seen some romance-repulsed people define their repulsion in a way that to them, romance is inherently possessive. I feel like this line is a lot less clear, because I understand that someone can have ideological reasons for not having sex (but not see it as a sacrifice akin to how religious celibates see it), without being repulsed.