Monthly Archives: July 2015

Started a page on voluntary celibacy!

I published the first version (though I made one edit before publishing this post) of a “voluntary celibacy 101“ page, which is also available under the “101-level resources” link in the menu.

I’ve been meaning to write that page for a long time, but for so long, I had been stumped on how to approach it, because of the lack of set term among those who could be considered celibate. I thought, how could I write a voluntary celibacy 101 page without it being a total mess? Then the idea hit me recently, I found a way to address this issue, and found a way that I could write about it.

I could still use some input on it, as there are sections I got started on adding, only to remove them before publishing. Should I add in a section about romantic relationships and nonamory, or would that work better as a separate page?



Pathologized for disliking sex?

This is a post written looking for more input by those who don’t want sex, and have had to deal with mental health professionals or doctors about it.

I’ve also been looking to understand the similarities and differences in experiences and challenges between those who are asexual and those who aren’t.

The second section of the post is meant to be a guide in progress to help those who are trying to seek a therapist, to help them avoid being possibly subject to unwanted treatments by therapists who think not wanting sex is a problem.

FORTRESS: For Those Resisting Sexual Society

This article about pathologization has recently been published for the main page, and I have several questions:

Who has dealt with this issue with mental health professionals, or doctors? What were your experiences like?

If you saw a professional, was it for reasons directly related to you not wanting sex?

Did you seek treatment to try and “fix” your dislike of sex, or were you seeking help for the feelings of isolation over not wanting it, and were looking for support?

Or did you seek a professional for an unrelated reason, and did the topic of disliking sex come up at any point? If so, did the professional try to convince you it was something that needed to be treated?

Are there other sections you would want to see added onto this page?

If you want to answer these questions more privately, you can still post a response here. By…

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An online archaeology expedition: Keeping up with documenting the asexual community’s history

This entry is for the July 2015 Carnival of Aces: Asexual History

One of the asexuality-related topics I’ve blogged about is the history of the online asexual community. I find it so interesting being a community with a social movement surrounding it that have changed so much in a relatively short amount of time, but also because it’s important to write about it so that the newer generations don’t forget.

I’ve only been involved in the asexual community since late 2012, so there are still a lot of gaps in my knowledge, but I’ll be happy to get input from long-time members in the community who could fill in the gaps.

The asexual community as we know it, originated online, and is still predominantly organized online, because of how geographically scattered many asexuals are from each other. Other groups, such as the LGBT community, and the groups within it, have been large enough and visible enough to have their own communities, and their own spaces in-person.

The internet has allowed for people to find others like them. The online asexual community started with a handful of individuals who wrote about their experiences, which made others realize that they felt the same way. Its origins in English can be traced back to an article written in 1997 called “My Life as an Amoeba”. In its comment section, many commenters also came forward about feeling the same way. Some may have known of their asexuality, but didn’t have any name for it, while others just realized it from reading that article, and the other comments.

History for a community that is predominantly organized online, moves very quickly. It’s easy for so much to be lost. Sites have come and gone,and archaeologists have the challenge of documenting history before it disappears. So few people are left from the early days of the online asexual community, so few people are left to give first-hand accounts of the earlier eras of its history. Those accounts are highly scattered, many may be in long-buried, very difficult-to-find threads in different places on AVEN, and some may be from asexual sites that are long gone.

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A tale of two sites

This is a tale of how I became the admin of two similar sites that have contradicting stances, and how to try and reconcile it, on top of having to reconcile that with my involvement in the asexual community.

Maybe I can’t reconcile it, but I’m the admin of Outside of Sexuality, but I’m also the admin of another related site called FORTRESS: For Those Resisting Sexual Society.

I wasn’t expecting to eventually create the latter site when I created Cake at the Fortress, so this wasn’t any deliberate foreshadowing months in advance. In March 2014, I created Outside of Sexuality, and I was expecting it to be the only site I needed to create as a resource for voluntarily celibate people, but a split happened earlier this year.

This post I wrote for this blog explains what led to the split. I wasn’t yet ready to mention it, but I had created FORTRESS just a few days before that post.

Regardless of what terminology and framework were to be used, I aimed, and still do aim for OOS to be a support group for voluntarily celibate people, to allow critical discussions of sexuality and how it affects others. I aimed for it to be as straightforward as possible, to reduce the chances of it being taken the wrong way, and to be more easily able to reach out to others.

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I feel silly for asking…

Is there a recent tumblr post linking to my latest blog post? I’m seeing a lot of people being referred here by a post on their tumblr dashboard. I’m feeling a lot of anxiety about this, because I can’t log into my tumblr account to see what that post is, or what it says.

If it has to do with the issue that post had, I apologize for that, and removed that part out of the post, and want to prevent that issue from happening again.